Sometimes someone hurts you so bad, it stops hurting at all.
Until something makes you feel again, then it all comes back.
Every word. Every hurt. Every moment How could you ever understand where i come from?
Even if you ask, even if you listen, you do not really hear, or see, or feel
You don't remember my story, You haven't walked my path, You haven't seen what I've seen
The past defines me. This is who I am
I am Unseen, Unheard, Unwanted: That is what I am, If even i am anything
It seemed like the same thing that held me up forced me down, the world turned upside down and order disappeared ...
Nothing is how it was supposed to be and a heavy sadness filled my soul
Deeper and deeper I fell within myself and nothing could draw me out
Trapped in the misery of my life, lost in the sorrow of my soul. Unable to see the light, unable to see the dawn. To feel, to hope, to dream
And I found the darkest days of my life kept coming, the blackest nights of my soul never stopped
It seemed like it was always night time and nightmares and never morning ...
And maybe you wonder why but mostly you try not think about it and try to get by. Just try to survive
And all the other stuff seems so much like nothing compared to just wanting the most important things back again. Like wishing you could see your mum happy again and hear her sing that one favourite song that always makes me smile when things were all messed up.
Or if you couldn't have her back ... at least get to see your two big brothers again
And who's gonna be there for them, and make sure they're safe. And who will make sure I'm safe?
I know I am helpless, dependent, desperate, but what happens to those you need the most threaten your very existence I've heard plenty of promises and they all sound the same. Push hard enough and sooner or later they all prove to be empty
The sun comes up every morning but do you know where?
Each place its somewhere different, Its hard to find east when you keep moving around. But at least it comes, it always comes; I've come to depend on that.
And slowly seasons changed around me and it seemed like this time, the world would not be pulled out from under me again
Feet safe, roots starting to grow
Little buds of hope form
Slowly attempting to trust this new life.
I wish someone would tell me its gonna be alright
That maybe day someday I will feel normal
That I won't always be the one
That I'll have a mum who will love me and be strong for me because maybe I cannot do it all by myself
This My past, My history, My past, My story is not my fault
It's not because of me and doesn't have to be what defines my future
I am lovable, I am worthy of care, and that glimmer of light, it makes all the difference
Glimmers of light give me hope that someday - my summer will come.
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